Addicted
by andthecosmogirl
Summary: AU Klare - It hurt me to talk about those things but I couldn't think of a person I'd want to talk to more about the old days. He was never embarrassed of me, I didn't cramp his style, he was my friend, he was vivacious, sarcastic and funny not to mention supportive. He's a shell of that. Had it really been that long since everything was great and nothing hurt at all?


This is an AU one-shot set sometime in early season 10 centered around Clare and KC. I was looking around my tumblr blog and I forgot to add it. Enjoy. The prompt was getting someone off of drugs. In Clare's POV.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

I didn't mean to see that you know, see him scoring drugs on the street corner from one of those sketchy thugs down the street.I was buying the newest installment of the _Fortnight_ book series to sink my teeth into, no pun intended. Maybe fun intended, maybe I should put down Fortnight, I'm too old for vampire fantasies not when very real ones exist in my life.

Have you ever wanted to make things right with somebody, and you just don't know how? You should hate that person, but then you realize they've managed to shape and mold you into the person you are. This person let me down, he really did and the worst part is I love him, and I still do and that's why it hurt to see him going down the same path of self-destruction his parents went downward spiraling into.

I knew this was something he wanted to prevent at all costs.

Let's face it, we haven't been the best of friends so he's probably going to let it fall on deaf ears. I see the way he talks to people now days, namely Jenna the mother of his child. I've heard the rumors. Sometimes I feel sorry for her, but then I'm reminded that she made her bed and now she has to sleep in it. She's going to be famous though, so her unhappiness will be short lived. She's pretty she'll find love again. Why'd she have to take him, huh? She had friendship but I guess that wasn't enough, she had to take him away too and then she and I became strangers and then bitter enemies. I know Jenna likes to start rumors about me, whenever I confront her though she always acts like I've done something to her. I don't even bother with her. She lost any ability to tell me what to do when she took him away.

I want to hate her, but I can't blame her. Sometimes I know I can be lame. Who curls up with a book about vampires at night? I do, and then I get all surprised when I have an erotic dream about a senior that I have zero chances with.

Anyway, so he left the corner and I purposefully and physically bumped into him, he was taken back high out of his mind on god knows what. He stunk to high heavens, "KC!" I exclaimed excitedly to throw him off that this was all a rouse, "It's great to see you."

Sidetracked, which likely going to sting me a bit, "Wow, I wasn't expecting you to be happy to see me."

"I am, how are things?"

He shrugged, "I don't know, going to be a dad I don't know the first thing so I'm not going to be."

"You're checking out?"

He shook his head and asked me in some sort of Matthew McConaughey sound-alike voice, "Nah, why does it look like that?" When he saw her face he sighed sounding a bit more aligned to KC. He flatly took that back instantly seeing that she was Clare and he could keep his guard down now, "On second thought Clare, you know what? Don't answer that."

"Is everything okay? I know I've been a lousy friend … "

"Correction, I've been pretty lousy lousy to you." He was in a hurry to get rid of me, confirmed for when he told me plainly. Him admitting in a subtle way that he was wrong was somewhat of a good thing, but addicts are like parcel-tongued creatures. He surprised me though. Then he told me in an empty way, "I got to go."

I can fill in the blanks, to get high; with his hands in his pockets he just walked away. I can't take that stuff personal, after all he's an addict.

It's what they unfortunately do. They lie, they steal, they cheat, they deflect anything to get their fix. I know that, but I still want to help. Part of me knows why he's like that, and not because of solely his parents. It's like what tore us apart, and I'm not talking solely about Jenna.

I didn't stop him.

I saw him again, this time looking beat up, with a beer in his hand. He started partying with Bianca, Fitz, Reese and the other ravine dwellers in our class and classes above ours and the other sketchy hoodlums I don't fraternize with. It's whatever but they just left him there drunk off of his ass and my parents weren't home - they're at the marriage counselors retreat thing, don't ask!; so I took him home set him up with a bath, washed his hair and his clothes and got him sobered up.

This was my chance to get a breakthrough out of him, finally. When I finish he can call Jenna. I just need him to be okay. If somethng were to happen to him, I don't really know what I'd do. Even though it's over, I still care.

Nice and warm, safe wrapped in a blanket on my couch he started to cry, and not just cry a little bit he lost it. I know I'm not the easiest person to talk to, I took a seat beside him and softly asked him what was wrong.

"I owe Bianca a lot of money. I'm such a screw up, Clare." He sniffled, still sobbing.

"I can't help you unless you tell me everything."

And then he looked up at me and my worst fears were realized, "You know all about it."

I got goosebumps, when he started to talk now, "Coach Carson really fucked me up. I don't want to lie and hide it anymore. Nobody understands, nobody gets it. I tell Jenna she tells me to get over it it; like it was that easy."

"What about the group home people?"

"That'll get me kicked out for sure, I lied to them and I still feel guilty for it. They're the only family I've got except my crackhead mother but … let's face it she needs her meal ticket back now."

"She got you into drugs?"

He shook his head, "I know I got her addictive personality … I wish I could say that. It was just me."

"You need to talk to somebody."

"I'm talking to you aren't I?"

"You are, but you know, someone who knows what to say."

"You always know what to say, Clare." His eyes started to well up more, shaking his head, "maybe if I never let you go I'd never be in this mess."

I distanced myself from that confession, I didn't feel it was genuine even though it might have been, "You have to tell me everything or you will never get out of this mess. What is your poison?"

He was quiet for a moment, he felt this huge weight lifted when he put his hands into hers, as he asked, "I can trust you?"

I nodded and he confessed, "I'm so embarrassed."

"It's okay."

"No it's not." He cried holding my hands tighter now, "I ruined everything, I've ruined my life."

"No, no no you haven't. Your life isn't over."

"My girlfriend is six months pregnant in case you didn't know."

"And?"

"I'm going to be a lousy father I can tell."

"How do you know that?" I asked him.

"My dad was lousy."

I could relate, my father has been disappointing for the last few years. When Darcy was raped and contracted chlamydia he kind of checked out and would rarely be home. Turns out he's been unfaithful to mom. I'm still dealing with the hypocrisy of the word family. "I'll let you in on a little secret, we're not our parents."

He laughed lightly but shook his head, "It's hopeless for me though, I think I am addicted."

"You have to tell me what you're taking so you know how to stop."

"I can't stop. I tried to, and then I get itchy or I need something stronger. Then I buy pills but they're too expensive. I've sold pretty much everything of value." KC added, "I've even stolen the old trophies at Degrassi because they're made with real materials that I could sell or pawn," when I went to say something he went, "don't worry they'll never know it was me. I used an alias and a fake ID."

"I didn't know it was that bad. How long, and don't lie to me. Please don't lie."

He was quiet for a few moments he blink back tears, "Why do you bother?"

"I care about you."

"I broke up with you though, Clare? Why did I do that? Is this really happening?"

Now I wanted to cry, but I had to stay strong for him. "Sure it's a - It's happening."

"When we're done can we talk about the good times? Two years ago, right?"

It hurt me to talk about those things but I couldn't think of a person I'd want to talk to more about the old days. He was never embarrassed of me, I didn't cramp his style, he was my friend, he was vivacious, sarcastic and funny not to mention supportive. He's a shell of that. Had it really been that long since everything was great and nothing hurt at all?

I noticed his leg was shaking, but I kept my eyes on him. With his beanie off he looked like a slightly older version of the skater boy I used to know.

We were older and wiser now. At least I like to think so.

"Heroin, coke, e-pills just a few times at the rave, alcohol . . prescription pills specifically and weed but that mostly calms me down."

I tried to mask my horror, but all I could say was, "KC … "

He hid his face in shame again, "Don't look at me like that."

"Why are you doing this to yourself?" I really wanted to know now.

He shook his head, "I don't know."

"Why did you begin?"

"I told you!" He exclaimed getting temperamental but he calmed down, "All sorts of reasons. I guess for the pills the pain which didn't physically hurt until recently, the weed I told you calms me down. In fact I was buying that for the pain, it works. I drink a lot but I don't know if I'm addicted that. Part of me just wants to be totally sober."

"Why heroin? It's so -"

"Bad right?" He asked, "It feels good, even though it's risky."

He nods, "Yeah it's risky, though like mother like like father like son."

"You're not though. You got away."

"I don't have anything or anyone. I burned so many bridges."

"You haven't burnt ours, not yet at least."

It was the only smile I've seen on his face in the last few months, he pulled me close into a hug, "You're the only person I'd believe if they told me that."

"Why are you hurting yourself?" I asked him again.

In the hug he said, pulling tighter and unable to let go, "The nightmares are too much. Coach Carson like I said. Everything is a mess too. Clare please help me stop. If you have to be tough be tough. I want to be free. I just need to get free. I'll do anything." He was begging me. I'll never forget.

"I wish I knew how," I remind him, still hugging him tight, "but I promise I will try."


End file.
